Should Have
by Olivia.Diane
Summary: Short scene between Severus and Lily a year after they have left Hogwarts. I got this idea while meeting up with a college friend after we graduated. Rated T for the adult-like themes.


Severus was in a panic. He had ten, maybe twenty minutes to get his apartment looking at least halfway decent and right now that seemed impossible. He swept his wand over the dishes in his sink and groaned when only half of the grime disappeared. He had never been very good at cleaning spells. Even in his desperation they were not effective. He instead swept the pots and plates into a cupboard and turned to his living room. He started picking up random odds and ends by hand as he pointed his wand at stains in the carpet. Slowly each stain faded. He got a little over excited on the last stain and left a singed hole by the leg of his sofa.

"Gahh, stupid thing. This is so stupid. Why did I never learn this? Why the hell did not I look at my mail?" He threw the assortment of socks, papers, and unidentified objects that he had picked up into his bedroom and shut the door. He started making some sweeping motions with his wand at the carpet in the hopes he could at least make it look like it had been cleaned somewhat recently. His sweeping knocked the edge of coffee table. A letter fell to the floor, the very letter that had caused all of his anxiety.

 _Dear Severus,_

 _It's been ages since we chatted. I'm going to be in Diagon Ally on the Dec. 16th. I figured I would bring some lunch to your place around noon. I'm dying to see how you've been!_

 _Best Wishes,_

 _Lily_

Severus ran his hand over the carpet, finally satisfied. He glanced around the room as he straightened up and breathed a sigh of relief. It didn't look that bad did it? A knock at the door interrupted his inspection. He wiped his hands on his cloak. They were suddenly sweaty. In his desperation to get things clean he had temporarily forgotten to be nervous about seeing Lily. They hadn't exactly left on a good note at the end of their last year at Hogwarts. They had sent a few letters over the past year though. The correspondence had started out formal but slowly became friendly again. He sometimes told himself that he only hoped it was warming up but this sudden visit was proof that perhaps they could be close again.

He pulled in a deep breath and strode towards the door. He debated for a moment and opened it.

"Severus!" Lily exclaimed. The way she stood framed in the doorway with the bright snow and sun behind her illuminated her silky hair. It glowed a fiery red in contrast to her black coat. Severus stood for a moment, stunned by her presence. Time had dimmed how beautiful she truly was in his memory. She noticed the pause and tried to cover it. "Let me in! It's freezing out here!"

"Oh yes, of course, horrible weather isn't it?" He stood aside and let her in. She stomped the snow off her boots and set down the bags she was carrying.

"Oh, I don't mind the snow. It's really quite lovely. I just got such a chill shopping today. Nothing like leaving Christmas presents until the last minute right?" She removed her coat and gloves. Her pale hands were pink from cold.

"You must be freezing. Let me get you some tea. That'll warm you right up!" He winced at himself as he ushered her to a chair. That phrase sounded like he had taken it straight from his grandmother. He turned to the sink and remembered the dirty dishes. He would have to be strategic in getting the mugs out of the cupboard so that she would not see them. Maybe if he distracted her? "What are the in the bags?" He asked, pointing in their direction. She glanced at them just just long enough for him to quickly grab two mostly clean mugs and shut the rest of the mess out of sight.

"Oh those? Well, they are mainly presents. I did pick us up some sandwiches from Cole's down the street. I haven't eaten there in forever. I got you the ham. I hope that's alright."

"Of course. Ham sounds perfect." He put a kettle on the stove and started shuffling through jars trying to find some tea. He really needed to get things more organized. One of these days he was going to grab some monkshood leaves instead of tea. That would be about the stupidest way to die in wizard history. His death would probably be listed as some sort of object lesson in a textbook. He finally found the tea and began steeping it in the mugs.

"Oh good. I thought you liked ham. So how are things here? You're working down at the apothecary right? What exactly do you do again? Sorry, your letters were a little vague sometimes." She laughed. "Or it could just be because potions was never really my subject."

"You got decent marks in potions."

"Only because you helped me so much"

"I didn't help, I just, I just nudged you in the right direction frequently."

"Oh sure! You nudged me!" Lily laughed again. Severus worried she was being too cheerful, or maybe he just imagining it? It was hard to tell.

"Here, watch out, it's hot" He handed her the mug of tea and sat down opposite of her. "Well, it's really quite like I said. I work as a freelance potion maker. People put in orders and I make it for them. Things were pretty busy this past week what with the snow and all. I have made enough pepperup potion to have a small country steaming at the ears."

"Wow! You get a lot of business then?" She was curious. Severus was glad for someone to take interest in his work. Most people never seemed to find it very impressive.

"Well it can be very up and down. I do have my regulars, people who need a particular potion for their illness or whatever. Some things tend to follow weather or time of year. Of course there are the completely random customers, like people looking for a love potion or a little bit of luck."

"You make love potions?" Lily squealed. "My gosh I can't imagine how embarrassing that would be to ask someone to make a love potion for me." Severus tried to not blush as she said this. He was glad he didn't mention the fertility potions he had made.

"Yeah, well the most effective potions can be quite time consuming and complex. Easier to leave it to a professional." He glanced at his feet wishing he wasn't as embarrassed as he was about it.

"Well if I ever needed a potion made I know who I would call. You have always been the best. You just seem to come by it naturally." She smiled warmly at him. He was starting to feel like he didn't imagine her over friendliness.

"Thanks, I mean, I'm okay. I'm not great or anything." He wished he sounded more confident "So what about you? How is that fancy ministry job treating you? You like working in magical creature protection?"

"Oh you know, I'm bottom of the heap right now. I have this terrible shared office with this other girl named Amanda. She is so annoying. I swear she doesn't know half of the creatures we have to write reports about. Just the other day she was asking me if I thought Unicorn blood should be a controlled substance. I mean, of course it is! There are already so many laws on it they could write a book! She just doesn't seem to know what she is talking about. One of these day I'm going to…" She trailed off and looked up. "I'm sorry." She giggled and hid a smile behind her mug. "I can complain about her all day. It's a bit of a problem."

"It's fine." Severus smiled. He couldn't believe how much he had missed her. They shared a comfortable silence.

"How about we get started on lunch? I'm starving." She pulled a bag marked _Cole's Deli_ towards her.

"I should really pay for my half. I mean, I don't want you to have to buy me food." Despite having a job, money could be tight. He wasn't how much she made but he wanted things to be fair. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Just take it. It's just Cole's, not exactly a high class expensive meal." She handed a paper wrapped sandwich to him.

"Thanks." He tried not to make eye contact. Hopefully he hadn't come off as completely stingy with that comment. They ate alone in silence for a few minutes. "So what are you doing after shopping? Heading back home?"

"Well, I was going to meet up with James to look at this house down in Godric's Hollow on the way back. He seems pretty excited about the whole thing." She said it so casually but it could not have hit Severus harder than a punch to the gut. He choked on his food.

"He's buying a house?"

" _We're_ buying a house." Her eyes narrowed. "Why are you so upset?"

"I'm not upset. I was just surprised that's all." He realized he had gone into a bad territory and was trying to backtrack. "I just didn't realize that you two were…" He wasn't sure how to finish that sentence.

"Didn't realize we were in love?" Lily asked loudly. Severus winced. This was not how he had hoped things would go. "I thought I made that very clear once we completed school. In fact I remember yelling it and making quite a fool of myself about it."

"Well, we're still so young. It's only been a year. I didn't realize you guys were moving that fast."

"Well I hate to tell you but we have been moving a lot faster than that." She trust her hand in front of his face. He couldn't believe he had missed it. A glittering stone was on the ring finger of her left hand.

"Lily you can't be serious." He tried to keep calm as he said it. Surely this was just a phase. James was just being a bit overly romantic and they would soon realize this was a mistake.

"Oh I'm dead serious. We are already making plans for April." She was peering desperately into his eyes. He could tell she was giving him one last chance to be happy for them. He tried to breathe and tell himself that she was his friend but a cold rage gripped his throat.

"Lily you are seriously thinking of marrying a man that as of a couple years ago you could not stand? I thought you were smarter than this!" He had started out calm but the last sentence came out in a shout. He had accepted that it would be a fight at this point; but he was determined that she at least think about this. She just hadn't really seen the reality of everything yet. Her cheeks flushed. He could tell she was hurt but he hoped he was reaching for a greater good "I just don't think you have thought this through."

"Oh really? Do you honestly know me at all? I debated for months what courses to take and you think I would just marry some guy on a whim? James is good for me! He brings out things in me I didn't know I had, he treats me so well." She looked close to tears.

"He is arrogant and a bully. Surely you must see that. At least give it a little while longer until you know him better."

"We have been together for two years. I love him. I know him."

"You just have so much to offer." He was desperate. Trying to make her see things through his eyes.

"Oh and I don't have anything to offer with James is that it?" She yelled. Severus realized he had gone too far. Her eyes had narrowed. She was angry and was done with this conversation. "You think I would have something to offer if I was with you is that it?"

"NO! I wasn't meaning that I was just trying explain how things were. I wasn't trying to say anything like that. I was only being honest." He stumbled over his words. Was he really trying to help? Was Lily right? Was he really just being selfish?

"I think I better go." She stood up suddenly and grabbed her bags, headed for the door.

"No, don't go. We can talk about this. Let's finish our lunch and we can talk." He stood and tried to grab her arm but she jerked it away.

"No I think this is best. You know, James told me it was stupid to come. He told me that you would never be fine with this. I told him that you were my friend, and that you would be happy for me." She turned and looked at his eyes. He would always remember how her eyes were teared up. How he had made her cry. "I guess he was wrong."

She turned swiftly and left. He really should have stopped her and said that he didn't care. He really should have told her that a friendship would have been fine. He leaned his forehead against the window and watched her disappear into the snow. He should have done a lot of things but he just didn't know what he should do now.


End file.
